Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Not Even Sure How To Begin...

Camryn is sick. She is literally close to death right now.

1. Camryn is now Blind
2. Camryn now has seizures
3. Camryn has tons of brain bleeds
4. Camryn has a collapsed lung
5. Camryn probably has more that I can't remember right now

Last but certainly not least...

Camryn has to have a trach placed tomorrow. Why? you ask... Well... Cami is having trouble breathing without a machine doing it for her now. She has oxygen on at all times but her sats are not good. She is on heliax (sp?) and Comfort Flow to help her. She had a procedure yesterday and I got to see the horrific pictures of the problem. Due to the breathing tube she has a ton of scarring in her throat and now only has an opening the width of a needle to breathe. Camryn cannot get in enough oxygen. So, I was given 3 options. They are as follows...

1. Do the surgery to try and repair the damage
2. Put in a trach
3. Let "nature take it's course" ie- let her suffocate to death

#1- Sounds great right? Well, not really because while he is cutting away- Camryn is getting no oxygen at all. So, she will die.
#2- The trach- I hate this option- but it will save her life.
#3- Not in this lifetime- I will die first- as in "over my dead body"

It is scheduled for 12pm tomorrow unless they have to do it by emergency before then. Please keep her in your prayers because I don't know what I will do if I lose her. I CAN'T LOSE HER. I.would.rather.DIE.
My Ob/Gyn has prescribed me Z*oloft and X*anax to deal with this. There isn't a pill in the world that is going to fix this. I can't believe my life. I am very MAD right now. I would do ANYTHING to be in her place. I would trade places with her if I could- but I can't. I feel responsible- I brought her into this world. I WANTED A CHILD FOR SO DAMN LONG and I finally got them and I don't know what I did, but I did something because Cami is is DYING right in front of me!! I have to stay strong for Cody. I have to stay strong for my husband. My husband despite being over 6 foot tall and being able to lift over 300 pounds is not able to deal with this. He leans on me- I am about to BREAK. This blog is my only outlet- so I apologize for being so negative, but I have to get it out before I SNAP and hurt someone. I am ANGRY at the hospital. I am angry at a nurse who had the nerve to try and touch me. She didn't like the results. I am just sorry to Cami and Cody.



  1. Oh Christy,
    With no update for a few days , i really thought Cami got to go home. I am so sorry that she is very sick!!! I will be praying for sweet Cami and all of you ..Hang in there!!

    Big Hugs~

  2. Oh sweetie, she is in my prayers. This is just so heartbreaking. Hang in there my friend, we are all lifting you all in prayers.

  3. So sorry to hear about Camis back set. I to was hoping since no new was good news. Will be praying for Cami and your family. God Bless
    carol n

  4. Here from Her Womb Our Hearts and just wanted to let you know that Camryn is in my prayers. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this:(

  5. Praying for the peace that surpasses all understanding!



  6. praying for you and your precious daughter.

  7. Christy you can't give up now. Cami needs you to be strong for her. We are praying for a miracle for Cami and strength for your family.

  8. Came over from Her Womb, Our Hearts. Praying for your precious daughter.

  9. Came over from HWOR...

    Jesus, in Your mighty name, let Christy feel Your presence right NOW. Cover her with calm. You love her, You are with her, You will never forsake her...and she did not do ANYTHING to make this happen. Hold her, Jesus. Give her strength, give her husband strength, and protect Camryn. Be her Rock, Lord...

    In the mighty name of Jesus,

  10. holding your family, especially Cami, in my prayers.

  11. I have been here a couple of times via Her Womb Our Hearts. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am that your poor baby girl is so sick, and that you are all hurting so much. The stress you are all under is more than most people can imagine. I wish there was more that any of us could do for you. I pray for your sweet baby girl, for comfort and healing for her and peace and strength for the rest of your family.

  12. I am so sorry. We are both in tears right now for you!
    We are praying for you and your family.

    I am so very sorry.

  13. You and precious Cami are in my thoughts and prayers. May you all find peace and HOPE during this very difficult time.

  14. I'm in such awe by this wonderful community of bloggers. We are all standing strong for you!! We are lifting you up sweetie. We can't fight God's will. I know you have to be strong, so lean on us and we will lift you!

    YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!! I know you are blaming is natural for a mother to blame herself but please know that this isn't your fault.

    How I wish I could jump in a plane and be there for you right now. I want to give you the biggest hug. I don't even know you in real life but I care about you so much!!

  15. Christy I posted your blog site on several of the BBC birth months. MANY MANY prayers are being said for Cami and your family.

  16. Hi, just popped over from, 'her womb our hearts' and just want to say that we are praying for you and your family over here in the uk. xxxxx

  17. Christy, I am so sorry for what you are going through, no mother should be put through this. You did NOTHING wrong!!!! You are a kind, warm, loving, wonderful mother. Cami and Cody are so blessed to have you as their mother! You have every right to feel angry, so just let it all out!
    Love from Nancy in Michigan

  18. Although I don't know you in real life, my heart is so full of hope and love for you and Camryn.
    I am praying with every ounce of my being for your precious daughter. She is so beautiful.
    My thoughts are with you and your family, and I pray that God grants you and her the strength to get through this.

  19. Lifting your entire family up in prayer.

  20. Praying for you and your beautiful baby girl and your mommas heart and daddy and brother too.

  21. Heavenly Father: I lift up Cami to you right now in hopes of a miracle! Heal her body. Give her family the strength and courage they need to continue to fight. In Your precious sons name, Amen!

  22. my mom is praying for you too, and her church prayer chain I am sure. My heart is so heavy for you today. Praying for supernatural peace and His presence.

  23. Please don't blame yourself~this is NOT your fault! Praying for God's peace to envelope you during this time. Also praying for healing for Cami.

  24. I found your story through "A Greater Yes". I am praying for your family and sweet Cami.

  25. I just found you and will be lifting you up and forever your precious baby girl's face is ingrained in my mind. My husband and I will seize and pray every moment Cami comes to my mind which will be often because I also have a little one. You are strong mama! And you are allowed to go outside and scream too. hugs from one mommy to another...