Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Realizing my Blessings

Every day since I found I was pregnant with my little bug I wake up every morning and thank God for another day with my baby. After the many ups and downs in our life between getting pregnant only to lose our baby and then not getting pregnant at all it has been very hard. I am just so thankful to our Heavenly Father for giving me the greatest gift of all, Cody. I look at Cody and see love. I see God's love for me and all living things, I see my husband's love for me and our son, I see my love for all living things and at the very top of the list is my beautiful baby boy. There are no words to describe my love for my child. I look at his sweet face and cannot believe that this child came from my body. I touch his soft skin and smile, thinking that Kevin and I created this beautiful baby. Every smile, laugh, giggle and facial expression that my sweet little bug makes, brightens my day. My love for him is so complete, so deep that I could drown in it. I look at Cody and know that God had him in mind for us the whole time. Through it all, our Heavenly Father knew that when the time was right we would be parents. To be honest, we had completely given up ever having a biological child. Imagine our wonderful surprise to find out I was pregnant at close to 10 wks. I still cannot get over it :O) For those who do not know, we were in the middle of an adoption to adopt 2 children with Down Syndrome from Eastern Europe. We were finally done with all of our needed paperwork and we were just waiting on our 171h form (form that allows us to bring 2 children into the United States) We received that form just a couple of weeks after I found out I was pregnant. We could not travel because my pregnancy was really high risk. (that happens when you have so many losses) So, I had to say goodbye to the children that I considered mine for so long. That was very, very hard to do. There were many days that I cried, missing "my" children. I was very happy to be pregnant with Cody, but wished that I could have all 3 of them. However, I was not going to risk losing Cody to travel to another country. Cody is my life and I thank God for him. Once Cody is 6 months old, I think we are going to begin our adoption plan again. Most likely we will do a domestic adoption instead of international for many reasons. I cannot leave Cody for weeks on end for the time required to complete an international adoption. If I took him with me we run the chance of him getting sick in a foreign country. We still plan on adopting a child with Down Syndrome, but here in the US versus another country. Why Down Syndrome? My answer is "why not?" I grew up with children with Down Syndrome and know just how smart, funny and beautiful they are. So, I hope to be able to add a sibling for Cody within the next year. I also think it will be great for Cody to have a sibling with Down Syndrome, as it will make him more tolerant and open to those who are "different" (though people with Down Syndrome are more alike than different) Anyway, I feel more than blessed that God has given us Cody. I hope we will be able to adopt a child, but only time with tell. When I was a child I just took for granted that you grow up, get married and have babies. That is just how it works... Little did I know that infertility, miscarriages & stillbirths occur. If you have never experienced any of the above, I know it is hard to understand. I have experienced all 3 of them... After losing Charity June 1997 I started doing my research on stillbirths. It was mind boggling for me to realize that so many happen. I researched miscarriages as well, I then became the recipient of them as well. Then infertility... 3 for 3. Infertility effects so many people. It is hard to be one that it does effect... You are happy for the family member/friend that is pregnant, but your heart breaks as well. I was there when my nephew & my niece were born. I was beyond thrilled for my brother & sister in law, but it hurt as well. I never thought that I would ever get to hold my newborn live baby. When Cody was born on June 26, 2009 at 10:29am, my life changed for the better. I now know what it is like to hold that brand new little bundle. I prayed to God all night while in labor and all morning and in between pushes to please let him scream loudly so that I know he is okay when he comes out. He did just that, my dad and everyone in the hall outside of my l&d room said that they knew the moment Cody was born becuase you could hear him a mile away. He cried for the first 30 minutes of his life. That made my day :O) I know that there may be others that read my blog that are experiencing infertility or losses or both. I hope that I may be an inspiration, that sometimes it CAN and DOES happen. Cody is proof

1 comment:

  1. I can only hope that our Father sees it this way for the rest of us. You both are blessed to have Cody.