Pictures & Goodbye

Kevin and I spent quite a few hours with our sweet girl today. We did her trach care and with tears rolling down our faces told her that we may not be able to come and see her every day for a while. We explained that gas is $3.40 a gallon and that with a 100 plus mile round trip, that it would be very expensive to come and see her every day. I told her that I would be sure that I at least come every other day for sure. I told her that she will always be on Mommy's mind. She just looked at me and gave me a crooked little grin. She melts my heart. I called around today and found a cheap motel for $49.99 a night plus taxes. However, it looks like it charges by the hour if you know what I mean. That is the least expensive one that I found. There are weekly rentals as well and they are nicer and are about $250.00 a week. I guess we are just going to go home and try to come see her daily or as often as we can. It is going to kill me to be away from her. There just isn't anywhere that I can stay with my husband and Cody that is really close to the hospital. A friend from high school offered to let me & Cody stay with her for a few days, but Kevin doesn't like that idea- he wants all of us together. Kellie (my friend) doesn't live very far from the hospital. Kevin is stressed out and is taking it out on me. He acts like us having to leave is my fault or something. I can't stay at my dad's because he and my sister and brother in law all live in my dad's house and they all chain smoke. I cannot stand the smell of smoke and will not allow Cody around it. My brother and sister in law have a very large 2 story home, but they think that Cody is too spoiled and I am not going to let anyone yell at my child for being a child. My mom & step dad live out near where I live so that does not help either. So, I guess we are moving back home tomorrow and will try to come and see Cami every chance I can afford the gas. We also do not have internet access at home right now and will not until we pay our balance in full. The crappy thing about that in August when I had Camryn and she was in the nicu I called the internet provider and told them to turn the internet off because we would not be living there again until our daughter went home. Well, they never turned it off until I accidently hit "internet explorer" on the screen when looking for the time and it came up. So, I called them and they told me that I never called and still owed them $680.00 They did at that time turn it off, but will not credit the unused 4 months. Anyway, the good thing about going home is that I am at home! I can visit my pets, which is a definite plus!
So, here is a list of good vs bad

*Going Home*
*Positive*
1. Sleep in our own bed
2. Cody will have both his room which is full of toys and the playroom we well.
3. Cody will be able to play outside (yard is fenced & I have dogs- won't have to worry about him being kidnapped.
4. I won't have to bleach Cody's tub everyday like I do here:) At RMH, I have to bleach it top to bottom when we first move in, but still have to bleach the tub at rmh daily because Kevin and I shower there as well and don't want him to have funky adult germs.
5. Last but most certainly not the least..... I get to spend time with my dogs!!
*Negative*
1. Will miss Camryn terribly
2. Gas will kill us financially
3. Will add so many miles to my car that Something is bound to go wrong.
4. Will have to go grocery shopping and since I am broke I am not quite sure how tht will
4. No land line, so in an emergency I am in trouble
5.

*RON**ald McDon**d House*
*Positive*
1. I can visit Cami often
2. I can take Cody to the park right down the road and he likes to visit some of the displays at the hospital. They truly amaze him.
3. All the stores are so close to us here. I can walk to so many diffent store chains like Toys R Us, Old Navy, Target and lots of other stores.
4. Cody loves the elevator and get the biggest thrill riding in one.
5. Our electric bill is lower than ever now, lol.
6. We get lunch and dinner at the RMH every day of the week (it is included in $10 a day that a family is charged to stay here. (unless you have medicaid then medicaid pays for the family to stay at RMH

*Negative*
1. Cannot have food or drinks in the rooms (kids can have juice or milk in their bottle or sippy cups that don't leak
2. Have to do down to the first floor to refill Cody's cup
3. Have to keep refrigerated items in the fridge. You are supposed to write your name and room number on everything that you bought & brought with you. Well, I have spent a total of about 5 months here at the RMH and I have had MANY things taken. Example- brand new box of lucky charms, 1 pound of brisket from a bbq joint in Lockhart ( Lockhart has fantastic bbq) soda, beanie weanie cans, toaster strudels, vienna sausges and now for the absolute worst... Cody's Juice. Cody is only allowed soy milk, juice & unsweetened tea (or very lightly sweetened) So, since I go with the "no added sugar" in the juice- that makes it more expensive. The soy milk is like $2.60 for a half gallon. One day all of his juice was gone and most of his soy milk. (yes it did all have our name on it)
4. People will fill up all the washers and/or dryers full of their stuff for hours at a time. What does this mean for me? I have to keep going back every hour to check all of the washers/dryers (whichever I need) and sometimes the same clothes will literally be in there all.day.long.

Sorry so long. Just needed to blow off some steam at this point. I do not want to leave my baby girl, but I have to because I don't have $300 something to stay in a motel for a week. I don't have the $2k to pay our portion of the medical supplies and I definitely do not have the money to go grocery shopping to stock up on supplies. I have some meat in my deep freeze that should still be good but we need canned goods, fruits, vegetables, basically different food items needed to make it. Canned goods are not that expensive, so I should be able to wing that for now. But, when Sissy comes home I have to buy more formula which is going to kill us again. It is crazy that it took us 7 years to have Cody and then got pregnant with Cami less than a year later. I am so very blessed by my children, friends & family. Sorry for running at the mouth, I am just tired & frustrated.

I just noticed my donations on my blog!! THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO DONATED TO MY NEW CHIP IN!!! It is going to be used to purchase her medical supplies and if any is left over I am going to try and get my land line put back in.

My day just brightened. THANK YOU SO MUCH FRIENDS!!