Feelings

My children mean the world to me. When Camryn was hospitalized this time I was devastated. Then when the neurologist told us that with all of her brain bleeds that she would most likely be mentally retarded my world spun out of control. However, on the outside no one knew that I was falling apart. I am good at holding up, I have to. We were also told that she may not make it. I knew that it was up to God, so again I stood upright without falling- even though inside I was dying. I was falling apart.... How was this happening to my beautiful baby girl? Why was this happening? She had not done anything to deserve everything that was thrown at her in her short months on this earth. Then I started to blame myself again... I didn't know what I did, I just knew that I must have done something to cause all of this grief on my innocent little baby girl. I have been told many times that it isn't my fault- but you can't help but blame yourself when your baby is born with 3 birth defects. She has hydrocephalus, holoprosencephaly & a hole in her heart. She has known nothing but pain in her life. I have problems dealing with that. Anyway, I was looking for a song for her that would explain how I felt about her. I couldn't really find one. I prayed for her one night, went to bed and woke up about 3am. I got online and just typed in "God's Gift" Because Cami is a gift from God. Anyway, I found a song!!! It fits perfectly- It is called "God's Gift" it is by Hannah Jane Snoot. You can visit the website at www.hopeforemma.com to listen to it. Hannah has a daughter with special needs and wrote a song for her. I LOVE it!! I wrote to her because I wanted that song on cd. I told her about Cami and that the song felt perfect for us. She sent me the cd and would not accept anything for it. I am not sure if she will read the blog- but if she does. Hannah I want to thank you! The cd has arrived and I love it. The song is perfect!