Thursday, December 16, 2010


Though I am hurting horribly I know that my daughter is hurting more. My hurt is nothing compared to my beautiful little girl's hurt. I know that she must be so confused. I know that she is sedated, I know the Doctor tells me that the older kids that are sedated never remember anything that happened to them. However, I can't help but wonder what she IS feeling and what she MUST know. I feel selfish because I BEGGED God for years to let me be a mom. That is all I have ever wanted- to be a mom. I was blessed two times. There were days that I cried all day long because I wanted nothing more than to be a mom. It didn't matter if the child came from my body or not, I just wanted to be someones mom. I wanted someone to call me "mama". I now have two beautiful blessings, Cody will be 18 months on the 26th of this month and Cami will be 4 months on the 18th. I feel bad that Cami is going through so much right now. I know that God wanted her on this earth or he would not have given her to me. Cody and Cami are my heart- they are two halves that make my heart whole. I am angry right now because my baby is suffering and no one seems to know why. When she went into the hospital she didn't have any brain bleeds- her subderal's were bleeding, but not the brain itself. She didn't have a hole in her lung, she didn't have RSV, she didn't have a lung infection, didn't have a brain infection, wasn't having seizures. All of this manifested while there.... I am just rambling- sorry... just need to try and vent. I thank God every day for my children- they are my miracles. I beg God daily to heal Cami, She is half of my heart.


  1. Christy,
    I cant imagine how hard it is for you to have had all of those medical condition happen after she went into the hospital.You have been so strong since before Cami was born.You have been through so much since her birth. I think it is a very good thing that you are venting.I know God hears our prayers. I am praying for a Christmas Miracle for little Cami.I dont know if you still have my email address or not. nfarm@marktwain. If you need to vent more you can always email me. let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I know you love both Cody and Cami very much. They are both lucky to have you as their mom.Think about you and Cami many times during the day. Please know even though many of us are not close enough to be there with you we are with you in thought and prayer.
    carol n

  2. Christy,

    You're absolutely right that God gave you Cami for a reason and that he will see Cami, you and the rest of your family through this!
    If God brought you to it, HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH IT!!!!