Hard

It is very hard to have to "let go" of Vlad and Ivanna after loving them for so long. I knew it would be hard, but didn't realize HOW hard it would be. They both have new committed families now and for that, I am grateful. I hope that they are great families and that the kids will be happy there and well cared for. I have learned to never question God's decisions, as there is always are reason for them. Many times in my life I have questioned his actions/ decisions when it came to my life. I was angry when my daughter Charity was stillborn, I was angry when my son Gage was stillborn and I was angry when I had the last miscarriage at 11.5 weeks in 2002. Though I believed in and loved God, I didn't understand the "why" of it all. It took quite a while to realize that I should quit asking "why" and just accept that God has his reasons for everything. Our adoption journey began this time last year when I found 2 beautiful little boys that we would have loved to adopt. I went to see these 2 little boys and they had already been transferred (went on a humanitarian aide trip) That trip is when I met handsome Vlad and saw beautiful Ivanna. My heart was gone with those 2 little ones. When I got back I contacted Andrea because I didn't know if she knew those 2 beautiful little ones and lo and behold she did. I also got great news that they were the recipient of a grant. So, with my home study completed, we got all of our other paperwork together. Then I dumped my entire dossier into a hot soapy sinkful of water and had to redo more paperwork, sigh. However, the main issue was getting my ins approval. I sent in my application in July and they apparently never received it, so had to resend again and had more issues with both Kevin and I getting our fingerprints taken. (had to do mine twice) Anyway, around this time I had 2 surgeries, one to remove a tumor on my right ovary & they had to end up removing the ovary and then to remove my appendix, scar tissue and repair a hernia. So, after 2 surgeries we were only waiting on one little thing, my 171h. Then I found out I was pregnant which is a miracle from God. Will not go into all of that, but lets just say I never thought it would happen again. Though I am on heparin 2 times a day and other medications to keep me from losing this baby I am very happy and thankful to God for this little miracle. The only issue is that both my ob and my high risk ob have barred me from traveling, that led to us having to let our 2 little ones go for another family to adopt so that they would not be transferred to a mental institution. After releasing these 2 little ones for adoption again to another family my 171h came in (what timing) So, I now have a completed current dossier but now cannot travel. I have quit asking "why" though because I know that God knows what he is doing. I cannot wait to hold this little miracle in my arms and once all is well for me and baby we will once again get all updated again for another dossier (or, that is the plan. God may have another for us, who knows?) Since both Vlad & Ivanna (who both share my heart equally) have committed families, I know that God must have 2 other angels in mind for us. I met so many beautiful children with DS in their country and all were beautiful and all deserve a home. So, once this beautiful baby of ours is born we will begin looking for 2 more angels to fill our hearts, home & life. We may want to have an older child (4 or older) while having a younger one that will be closer in age to the new baby (1-2 yrs) but only God knows who we will be parents to. I guess enough rambling, will go on with my day.

Please pray that Vlad & Ivanna will have a wonderful life with their new families and all will be well in their life

Christy & Little Bug who is due 7/10/09