Friday, May 15, 2009

~~~32 Perfect Weeks~~~

Hard to believe, but another week has come and gone. We are one week closer to welcoming the best gift I will ever receive. It is hard to explain my feelings about Cody to someone who has never lost a child or gone thru infertility. It is hard to put into words the love, feelings, worries, sadness, anticipation and more. After many losses and then years of infertility, I will finally hold my child in my arms in 7 weeks. Many people that do not really "know" me have asked me what I would do if my child was born with a special need/disability. I honestly have had to laugh when I was asked this because I was in the process of adopting 2 children with Down Syndrome when I found out I was pregnant and then due to being high risk, I was not allowed to travel. Kevin and I still plan on adopting at least one child with Down Syndrome. When I tell people that a "special need" would not bother me at all, they want to know "even after all of these years of trying and finally getting pregnant you would not be saddened or disappointed?" I would not be saddened nor disappointed. I would be happy that God trusted Kevin and I enough to give us a special Angel. In order for God to give me a child that has a special need, he must have a lot of faith and trust in me. In order for him to give one of his most special Angels to me, he has more Faith and trust than I can put into words. As far as I am aware, Cody does not have a special need. However, I have turned down all prenatal testing because it truly does not matter to me. What saddens me is when someone aborts a child because of diagnosis. Cody is Cody and he is mine regardless of anything else. I have carried this child for 32 weeks now and will carry him until the day he is born and I will love him even after I die. I treasure every kick, punch, hit and movement that he makes. I sing to him several times a day, I rub whatever body part is pushing out of my abdomen. I LOVE this child unconditionally, I do not care what he looks like, I do not care how he acts, I do not care about anything but him. I want him to be healthy and happy. I want him to love his family and be proud of us. I hope that I will be a good mom to him and that Kevin will be a good dad to him. I hope that we are always able to show him the love that we have overflowing for him. When he is born and I see him for the first time, my heart will be his. Will he be spoiled as I am accused of all the time? YES he will. Will I allow him to run over me? No, I will not. However, he will never have to worry about not being loved and cared for. Are we rich? Not by any means. Will he always have what he needs? Yes he will. He has a father that is the hardest working man I know. He has a father that is 100% in love with his son and wife. He has a mother that will do anything within her power to give him all he needs. He has Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and more that will love him regardless of anything. I am just like any other parent, I want the best for my child. I want him to be respectful, loving, caring and more. I want him to enjoy church and love the Lord. I never want him to wonder if he is loved. I have a wonderful friend that I have only known for little more than a year, she lost her beautiful little girl Chloe to Leukemia. She now has 2 children that she adopted and both have Down Syndrome. I love both of them like they are my niece and nephew. Though she is far away, I want her and her children to be a part of Cody's life. I want him to think of her children as his cousins. Her little boy just turned 5 yrs old yesterday. *Happy Birthday JP* I guess I just have many hopes and dreams for Cody. When you try for so many years to have a child and you finally completely give up and then it happens you are scared and excited. I didn't really believe I was pregnant until my 1st ultrasound. When I saw him on the screen, I cried so hard that the nurse had to turn the heartbeat volume off because I was making the speaker make horrible noises. Kevin had tears in his eyes as did my sister. Cody is a true miracle to my family. I have another appointment on Monday 5/18 for a non stress test, ultrasound and cervical check. I will have more u/s pictures to post after my appointment. I will get Kevin to get a 32 week picture tonight to post.
If you have made it this far, sorry to have rambled so much. Just had a lot on my mind this morning.

Christy and my miracle bug Cody

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